Hello, and good day,

Today's topic is street bicycles.

Modern street machines tend to have short toptubes e.g. the Federal Hamilton, Fly Mosca and Macneil Heaton.

Choosing a new frame and finding the cash for it can be hard.

But wait! There is another way.

Do YOU have a long toptube bike, perhaps even a 22"? There is salvation.

To obtain that raw 'street look' everyones after these days simply turn your bars through 180 degrees, thus effectivly shortening your bike and and completely fucking with the geometry. Great!

Next get that 'core urban rider vibe by either sanding, in various consistancy, the paint off your frame (remember kids, the more abrasive the glass paper the streeter you are) OR just rub your nicely powdercoated tubing against ledges. Dont waste your time using marble ledges, theyre far too smooth and tantamount to skatepark coping, no, you want red brick walls and rough concrete.
Skins, now your frame looks SHIT!

What's that mechanical attachment doing on your frame and bars? That wire instrument looks like it may hinder barspins or tailwhips landed to your brick wall dented toptube. Sure you know that you can't do barspins down an 8set or whop off a curb but OTHERS don't, so for godsake get that stopping device off now, before it ruins your street cred.

Remember we don't want people thinking you ever even considered running a brake so those lugs are deffinetly coming off. But oh no! You don't own an angle grinder and would probably only suceed in cutting into your 'stay's' tubing anyway (could look street?). Fear not, find a large club hammer, the heavier the better, and smash those bastards off, afterall that is 32 grams of dead weight you're lugging around. If you're a bit of a pussy and don't manage to knock the lugs clean off just dent them inwards sufficently so you can't run a brake, maybe you'll get lucky and they'll catch on your wheel, daymn you're dope.

To finish your street hog, launch it off a bridge a couple of times that has a minimum of 15ft drop to concrete. This will help the majority of your components to 'bed in' for that rattly street sounding banger.

I hope you have enjoyed today's topic brought to you by Shawn Anderson

"I'm not Northern, but god damn I wish I was"

* Disclaimer, this 'article' is not an assult on anyone, I just thought it'd be funny. Shawn Anderson is my northern alterego bmxer